Getting You Home On Friday

(Getting You Home On Friday - Episode - 004 - I Love a Sunburnt Sausage, Some Books and Ghostly Pains)

INTRO SONG

DEEP VOICE: We're Getting You Home On Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fri, Fri, Fri, Friday!

INTRO OUT

(Paranormal Patrol, Lady Loosely Head, E4)

THEME SONG: BLEND OF PARANORMAL MUSIC WITH HEAVY BASS AND SYNTH.

VOICE OVER: In the Last episode of Paranormal Patrol, the team were exploring the old abandoned
prison at Lady Loosley's Head. Buster and Jean heard a voice in the cell...

GHOST: Twenty-four.....

SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: And Pete received applause from something or someone looking on from the shadows
as he performed his dance routine.

TAP DANCING TO "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT TWO BITS" THEN
APPLAUSE.

JOHN: Did you hear that?

SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: Join us now for another enthralling adventure of Paranormal Patrol.

THEME OUT.

PETE: Wasn't that you?

JOHN: No...

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: It seemed to be coming from your right.

PETE: Okay.

JOHN: Pete, you’re moving to your left.

PETE: I’m no fool.

SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: Buster and Jean are trying to discern a voice in the cell where a shadow has been seen.

BUSTER: Okay, we have "twenty-four". Do you have another number?

(PAUSE)

JEAN: Do you have anything else to say?

GHOST: Nooooo….

SCARY MUSIC.

BUSTER: Well that about stuffs it.

JEAN: Wait, Buster, let me try something. Is this number important to you?

BUSTER: Favourite number maybe. Can you guess mine?

JEAN: Shh, I’m trying to find out….

BUSTER: Starts with a sixty ends with a nine…

JEAN: (ASIDE) Buster and I were in the cell where the shadow had been and we heard a distinct
voice say "twenty-four". I was trying to see why this number was so important to this entity.
Twenty-four, twenty- four.... why was this so important? I mean if it wasn't important to it,
why would it say it?

BUSTER: Well, Jean, some people say a lot of unimportant things that don't really mean anything.

JEAN: But surely they mean something.

BUSTER: Look, jean, we all know women are known for blabbering on about…

THUMP OF TIMBER ON HEAD.

BUSTER: Ooooowwww!!!!

SCARY MUSIC.

JEAN: What was that?

BUSTER: That stool just hit me in the head!

GHOST: Twenty-five! Hehehehehe.

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: (ASIDE) Pete and I were in the marble floored room, trying to find the source of the clapping
that we distinctly heard after Pete had done a little dance routine. It was then that we came
across a really cold sensation.

SCARY MUSIC.

PETE: Ooooh, it’s come over all cold like.

JOHN: (ASIDE) The thinking is that when an entity is trying to materialise it sucks in new energy
around it and makes the surrounding areas cold. Much the same way accountants suck the
fun out of a dinner party. Is there anyone else in this room?

PETE: I'm here, as always.

JOHN: I know you're here, I was just asking if anyone else...

SCREAM, DOG BARK ALL AT ONCE.

JOHN: Did you hear that?

PETE: Definitely not.

JOHN: I think it came from the canteen, come on...

RUNNING FEET.

JOHN: Not that way, Pete!

PETE: Why must we always run into danger John? Can’t we run away at least once?

SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: Meanwhile, Petra Fied, one of the team’s technicians had spotted something unusual on
the surveillance cameras she was monitoring in command central.

SCARY MUSIC.

PETRA: You wouldn’t believe it but, I was sitting in command central looking at the monitors when I
noticed something on the screen. It was translucent, had a form that was a little indistinct and
slightly greenish yellow.

SCARY MUSIC INTENSIFIES.

Oh dear, that's... well that's, that’s sort of disgusting like.

SPRAY AND RAG, WIPING SOMETHING.

If someone sneezes on a monitor you'd think that they would have
the decency to clean it off. Babes, use a tissue next time!

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: Pete that sound definitely came from over here.

PETE: Okay, I believe you.

JOHN: Now can I put you down, Pete?

PETE: Perhaps.

JOHN: And you won't run away?

PETE: No guarantees John, I have a strong survival instinct. You know that.

THEME IN.

VOICE OVER: So the old abandoned gaol at Lady Loosley's Head is keeping some of its secrets and
secretions to itself. Join us In the next exciting episode when Jean sees what’s on the
lunch menu.

SCREAM.

Join us then for the next exciting adventure of Paranormal Patrol.

THEME OUT.

(Short Skit, Book Club)

THEME SONG IN.

PRESENTER: Welcome to the weekly Book Club where we explore the vast and fascinating realm of
the written word, in all its splendour, grace and movement. Today we have a special treat
as we are joined by none other than the Emeritus Professor of Literature, Doctor Earnest
P. Squintly. And today's wonderful novel is the intricate and flowing story of Roland
Swathbury's called "The Long Road Home". A winner of several major awards it
transcends the realms of everyday suburban life after the war to the meaning of
existence and the surrender of the soul to finding happiness. Tragic, full of nuance and
yet powerful in its application. But enough from me; so, Emeritus Professor Doctor
Earnest P. Squintly what did you think of this incredible work of literature?

P. SQUINTLY: It's complete crap.

VOICE: Well, thank you Emeritus Professor Doctor P. Squintly. Join us next week when we review
Brides-Head and the Axe.

END

(Ed & Ted, Flood of o'69

THEME SONG: GENTLE GUITAR STUMMING AND WHISTLING.

NARRATOR: I love a sunburnt sausage, of women sweeping plains.... we go down the leisurely road to
the famed outback, beyond the Black Stump to where life is brimming for those chosen
few. Ah yes, I love a sunburnt sausage.

THEME SONG FADE OUT.

TED: Ed.

ED: Ted.

TED: 'ow are yah?

ED: Not bad.

(PAUSE)

An' you?

TED: Could be worse.

ED: 'ow's the flood at yer place?

TED: Bad

ED: Bad?

TED: Yeah, bad.

ED: 'ow bad?

TED: Not as bad as 69.

ED: That was bad.

TED: Real bad.

ED: Bad.

TED: I fell in.

ED: In the flood o' 69?

TED: Yeah.

ED: Bad.

TED: Not good.

ED: What 'appened?

TED: When?

ED: When yeh fell in.

TED: In the flood o' 69?

ED: That's it.

TED: Got a mouthful.

ED: Bad.

TED: Yeah, from the missus.

ED: From the missus?

TED: Yeah!

ED: What fer?

TED: Fallin' in.

ED: In the flood o' 69?

TED: Yeah!

ED: Bad.

TED: Real bad.

ED: Not good.

CROW CALL MORPHING INTO MANIACAL LAUGHTER.

TED: That's not good.

ED: Bad, even.

TED: Crossed a crow an' kookaburra.

ED: Nah.

TED: Nah?

ED: Nah.

TED: Then what?

ED: Crow's stoned.

TED: Not good.

ED: Bad even.

TED: Real bad.

THEME AND STOCK WHIP.

(Credits)

LINDA: You have been listening to the voices of: Gavin Jones, Thomas Taufan, Hester van der Vyver, Nate
Gothard, Linda Chong, Cheng.

Thank you for Listening.

THEME SONG OUT WITH JOYFUL ANIMAL NOISES.

END.

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones