Getting You Home On Friday

(Getting You Home On Friday - Episode - 006 - Dogs, Deodecahedrons and a Gold Star for Pete)

INTRO SONG

DEEP VOICE: We're Getting You Home On Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fri, Fri, Fri, Friday!

INTRO OUT

(Ed & Ted, Good Dog)

THEME SONG: GENTLE GUITAR STUMMING AND WHISTLING.

NARRATOR: There's a track winding back to an old fashioned, triple fronted, brick
veneer residence somewhere out the back of Bourke where life is
slow and the flies are so big you can saddle them. So, come with
me down a little dusty road and I'll give you a lolly.

THEME SONG FADES OUT.

ED: Ted.

TED: Ed.

WHISTLE AND DOG BARK.

ED: Keep em up.

TED: 'ow are you?

ED: Not bad.

(PAUSE)

An' you?

TED: Not bad.

DOG BARKING.

ED: Steady, keep em up.

TED: 'e's a good dog.

ED: Yep.

TED: Good dog.

ED: Too right.

DOG BARK.

ED: Hold 'em in.

TED: How long as 'e 'ad 'em there?

ED: Where?

TED: There.

ED: Oh yeah. About three 'ours.

TED: Good dog.

ED: Yeah, good dog. 'ow's yours?

TED: 'ow's my what?

ED: Dog.

TED: Ol' Blue?

ED: Yeah, Ol' Blue.

TED: Good.

ED: Good?

TED: Yeah, as good as 'e can be.

ED: Yeah?

TED: Yeah.

ED: That's good.

(PAUSE)

TED: 'ow long yeh goin' to keep them there?

ED: Where?

TED: There.

ED: Oh, I dunno. Probably 'till the 'olidays are over.

CHILD: (DISTANT) Oh, Dad!

WHISTLE, DOG BARK.

ED: Hold 'em boy.

TED: Good dog

ED: Ripper dog.

CROW CAWS AND A GUNSHOT. WINGS FLAPPING.

THEME OUT.

(Short Skit, Hosptital Drama)

NARRATOR: Dr Roger Dickinson and Nurse Cynthia Cleavage find an intimate moment during their
hectic and long days of treating people and watching them die.

NURSE: I... I can’t marry you.

DOCTOR: But why ever not?

NURSE: The ratings would drop.

DOCTOR: So.... we would be out of a job.

NURSE: Yes... and ...

DOCTOR: And....

NURSE: It’s so hard to find work when you can’t act.

DOCTOR: Oh I don’t know..... what about...

NURSE: No names someone may be listening.

DOCTOR: Very well.

NURSE: So am I.

DOCTOR: So we go on like this forever, always wanting but never quite....

NURSE: Yes. But next week we will go in for a weird love triangle.

DOCTOR: Oh... I would have preferred....

NURSE: Yes my darling?

DOCTOR: A love dodecahedron.

(Paranormal Patrol, Lady Loosely's Head, E6)

THEME SONG: BLEND OF PARANORMAL MUSIC WITH HEAVY BASS AND
SYNTH.

VOICE OVER: Last week on Paranormal Patrol, Buster and Jean engaged with the
mischievous spirit that threw a stool at Buster.

SCARY MUSIC.

PETRA: Any time you want to hit Buster over the head, you go for it.

GHOST: Hehehhehe

PETRA: Was that laughing?

SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: And in this episode, John and Pete move onto the mystery of the front
door. Here there have been reports of blood curdling screams, doors
slamming and swearing, not to mention apparitions of a left-handed
latte drinking leper.

THEME OUT.

PETE: Is there any mention of a left handed latte drinking leper?

JOHN: No.

PETE: Interesting.

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: There is a report that this door slams.

PETE: Well a strong wind, perhaps?

JOHN: Possibly. Open the door and see if there’s a wind.

DOOR OPENS WITH A GALE OUTSIDE. DOOR CLOSES.

PETE: Oooh. When did that crop up?

JOHN: The wind?

PETE: It was as quiet as a church mouse when we came in.

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: (ASIDE) It was interesting. When we came to the old abandoned gaol
at Lady Loosley's Head, there was hardly a breath of wind and now it
was raging outside.

PETE: Oh damn it’s messed up my do and everything.

JOHN: Mind you it had been predicted on the weather channel.

Okay, Pete, we are going to set up a Thermonuclear Camera and see what it picks up.

PETE: Great, and then I'll go and wait at command central.

JOHN: No, I think we should investigate the room where they found Lady
Loosley's Head.

PETE: We should really respect the lady’s privacy.

JOHN: Come on. It’s just up here.

PEOPLE WALKING UP STAIRS THEN SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: Meanwhile Petra and Jean were still communicating with the shadow
figure in the left hand corner of the cell.

JEAN: Please feel welcome to throw another stool at Buster.

GHOST: Hehehehe.

PETRA: Or anything else. I mean if there isn't a stool, any other object would
be fine babes. We only put up with him cause his Uncle’s a producer.

GHOST: Hehehehe.

JEAN: That is so cute!

SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: While Buster nurses his wound, Pete and John find their way to the
room where Lady Loosley's loose head was found, giving the name to
the gaol.

SCARY MUSIC.

PETE: Ooohh, I don't like this room.

JOHN: It is dark and dank, isn't it?

PETE: Agreed…and the curtains don't match the carpet. Reminds me of
someone…

SCARY MUSIC INTENSIFIES.

JOHN: This is the room where they found Lady Loosley's Head.

PETE: And where was the rest of her?

JOHN: Apparently, they searched high and low but never found her body.

PETE: Was it suicide?

JOHN: Think about it.

PETE: Okay.

SCARY MUSIC INTENSIFIES.

JOHN: Anyway, they believe that her restless spirit wanders the corridors at
night moaning.

PETE: Oh, she shouldn't do that?

JOHN: What? Stay and haunt the place?

PETE: No. She should've quit while she was ahead.

MOANING.

JOHN: Did you hear that?

PETE: What?

JOHN: A moaning.

PETE: Oh come on now, the joke wasn't that bad.

JOHN: (ASIDE) We were in the chamber where they found the head of Lady
Loosley and both Pete and I heard a distinct moaning and it wasn't
Buster.

JOHN: Listen!

PETE: What?

LADY (G): Oooooooohohhhhhhhhhhhhoooh.

LIQUID HITTING THE GROUND.

JOHN: Did you hear that? It sounded like a moan and a bucket of water being
dropped?

PETE: I can't claim responsibility for the moan but the water was me.

JOHN: What?

PETE: It’s all rather embarrassing.

JOHN: We’ve all emptied our bladder on an investigation or two Pete.

PETE: Really?

JOHN: Of course. It’s all perfectly natural. Just some of us actually make it to the loo on time.

PETE: Bastard.

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: What's that in the door ahead?

PETE: That's right.

JOHN: What?

PETE: It's a head. A head in the door ahead.

JOHN: Lady Looseley!

LIQUID HITTING THE GROUND.

JOHN: How could you possibly have that much water...

PETE: I have a high metabolism!

SCARY MUSIC. THEME SONG IN.

VOICE OVER: So what is the head ahead of our Paranormal Pursuers? How much
more water could Pete pass and what happens when Petra and Jean
are confronted by the apparition of the front door?

JEAN AND PETRA: (LAUGHING HILARIOUSLY)

SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: Join us next time in the abandoned gaol of Lady Loosley's Head when
Pete gets a fresh start.

LIQUID SPLASHING.

PETE: I made it!

JOHN: Gold star Pete!

VOICE OVER: On Paranormal Patrol.

THEME OUT.
(Credits)

LINDA: You have been listening to the voices of: Nate Gothard, Cheng, Thomas Taufan, Hester van der
Vyver, Gavin Jones, Linda Chong.

Thank you for Listening.

THEME SONG OUT WITH JOYFUL ANIMAL NOISES.

END.

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones