Getting You Home On Friday

(Getting You Home On Friday - Episode - 005 - Aunt Agatha and a Firm Stool)

INTRO SONG

DEEP VOICE: We're Getting You Home On Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fri, Fri, Fri, Friday!

INTRO OUT

(Short Skit, Aunt Agatha)

GENTLE GUITAR STRUMMING.
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES.
LOU: Home love.

ABIGALE: Hi honey, there's a letter for you on the table.

LOU: Who's it from?

ABIGALE: Your Great Aunt Agatha.

LOU: Fantastic.

ABIGALE: I'll be down in a sec.

PERSON SITTING DOWN AND LETTER OPENING.

LOU: Let's see....

PAPER FLICKING.

LOU AND AUNT A: My dearest Nephew Lewellyn,

LOU'S VOICE FADES OUT.

AUNT AGATHA: I hope that this letter finds you in very good health. I expect your dear
Abigale is well.

ABIGALE: That's so nice.

AUNT AGATHA: And I expect that she will think that my remembering her is nice.
Following on last week's letter, I have successfully scaled Mt Everest
with a prosthetic leg. I know I have two perfectly good ones but
carrying a spare isn't a bad idea. Please find enclosed a photograph of
myself waving the said leg taken by my little Sherpa friend on top of
the mountain.

After tea and scones I decided to descend and I am happy to report
that unlike last time with the wheelchair, there were no incidents.

GENTLE GUITAR STRUMMING.

(Ed & Ted, Time Flies)

THEME SONG: GENTLE GUITAR STUMMING AND WHISTLING.

NARRATOR: Ah yes, there was movement at the station, someone was a little too
liberal with the Epsom salts again. So off we go, down the slow
road to the outback, where time is lost in the never ending cycles of
the washing machine.

THEME SONG FADES OUT.

ED: Ted.

TED: Ed.

ED: 'ow are yeh?

TED: Not bad.

(PAUSE)

And you?

ED: Could be worse.

TED: Yeah?

ED: Yeah.

STOPWATCH CLICKING AND A FLY BUZZING. PROCEEDS INTERMEDIATELY
THROUGH DIALOGUE.

TED: Whatcha yer doing?

ED: Yeah.

TED: Yeah?

ED: Yeah, you asked what I'm doin’ and I'm doin' me watch.

TED: That right, eh?

ED: Too right.

(PAUSE)

TED: So what yer watchin'?

ED: Flies.

TED: Flies?

ED: Yeah, flies.

TED: Why?

ED: Why what?

TED: Why yer watchin' flies?

ED: Oh, that. Well, see that old carcass over there?

TED: Yeah.

ED: And see this new carcass over 'ere?

TED: Yeah.

ED: Well, I'm watching the flies go from one t'other.

TED: Really?

ED: Yeah, 'onest like.

TED: Well…

ED: On average it takes a fly ten seconds to go from one t'other.

TED: Go on.

ED: Dinkum.

TED: Dinkum?

ED: Yeah, dinkum.

TED: Well, I never.

ED: Just goes to show.

TED: Yeah......... what?

ED: Just goes to show, doesn't it?

TED: What?

ED: Just goes to show, you can time flies when you’re 'aving fun.

TED: Yeah........

CROW CAWS AND GUNSHOT.
THEME OUT.

(Paranormal Patrol, Lady Loosely's Head, Ep 5)

THEME SONG: BLEND OF PARANORMAL MUSIC WITH HEAVY BASS AND SYNTH.

VOICE OVER: On the last episode of Paranormal Patrol, the team came face to face
with activity at the old abandoned gaol at Lady Loosley's Head.

Buster was hit with a stool...

CHAIR THUMP ON HEAD. FOLLOWED BY SCARY MUSIC.

BUSTER: Oooowwwww!!

VOICE OVER: And Petra saw something disturbing on the monitor and wiped it off.

PETRA: Babes, use a tissue next time!

SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: Now, John Robust and Pete Sake the founding members, find
themselves in the canteen room, but they aren't alone.

SCARY MUSIC. THEME OUT.

PETRA: (WALKIE TALKIE-DISTORTED) Pete?

PETE: John? Was that you?

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: No. Was that you?

PETE: Why would I call my own name?

JOHN: Reassurance?

PETRA : (WALKIE TALKIE) Pete?

PETE: Hello?

PETRA: (WALKIE TALKIE) Pete, it’s Petra, can you hear me?

PETE: Have you crossed over?

JOHN: She's on the walkie-talkie, Pete.

PETE: She's crossed over and she’s using the walkie-talkie?

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: No, Pete, she's on the walkie talkie, she's in the command centre.

PETE: Oooohhh. Hi Petra, pet, how are you?

PETRA: (WALKIE TALKIE) Pete, Buster and Jean are on their way up from the cellar, Buster was hit
in the head with a stool. Over.

PETE: Oooh, that could be messy.

JOHN: I think she meant a wooden stool.

PETE: Ohhh, really, it gave me flashes of that ghost monkey warding us off.
Hit in the head with a chair type stool? Over.

PETRA: (WAKIE TALKIE) That's correct. Over.

JOHN: Okay, we better head over there to see if she’s okay.

PETE: (JOYFULLY) We’re on our way. Pete out.

FEET MOVING.

JEAN: (ASIDE) We were in the cell where the shadow figure that had been seen in the left hand
corner, the right hand corner has bugger all going on, when Buster was hit in the head by a
stool.

Whatever threw it was a really, really good shot. It left a mark
and everything. You don’t see that in the textbooks at school.

BUSTER: Oh, that really hurt. Has it left a mark?

JEAN: Only on your face, Buster.

BUSTER: Oh, thank god.

FEET WALKING TOWARD THEM.

Did you hear that?

SCARY MUSIC.

(ASIDE) Jean and I were in the entrance hall after I took a stool in the
head to protect Jean, when we heard footsteps.

PETE: Helloooo?

BUSTER: (ASIDE) But it was just Pete and John.

JOHN: So what happened?

BUSTER: Well I threw myself in front of this stool to protect...

JEAN: Buster got smacked in the head with a stool.

JOHN: Wow... are you okay?

BUSTER: I guess so. I mean, of course I am. I can take it like any bloke.

PETE: What is that?

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: Where?

PETE: On his left cheek.

JOHN: Oh, it looks like writing.

JEAN: It says, "Nawait ni Edam".

SCARY MUSIC.

BUSTER: Is this some type of curse?

JOHN: No Buster, the chair was made in Taiwan. When it hit you it left the
imprint in reverse.

PETE: `Ooooh, How clever.

JEAN: John, I might grab Petra and head back down there to see if we can
get another response.

JOHN: Okay, only if you feel comfortable with that.

SCARY MUSIC.

JEAN: (ASIDE) I decided to go back down to the cell, but this time Petra
accompanied me. I thought that Petra would be more sympathetic to
whatever was down there and that she wouldn't be like Buster and
grope my arse.

SCARY MUSIC.

PETRA: Interesting place. Nice décor. Would totally move in if rent was cheap.

JEAN: It’s not. Now see that in the left hand corner?

PETRA: The shadow?

JEAN: That's it.

PETRA: And that's where the stool came from that collided with Buster's
head?

JEAN: Yes.

PETRA: That is so cool.

JEAN: The temperature?

PETRA: No, just that an entity would hit Buster over the head with a stool.
Whoever it was, a legend for sure.

GHOST: Thank you.

JEAN: Did you hear that?

PETRA: It sounded like "thank you".

JEAN: It did, didn’t it?

PETRA: Any time you want to hit Buster over the head, you go for it.

GHOST: Hehehehehe

PETRA: Was that laughing?

THEME IN.

VOICE OVER: So, what was behind the mischievous entity that hurled a stool at
Buster? Was the imprint on his cheek "Nawait ni Edam" a curse from a forgotten bygone
era or was it indeed Made in Taiwan in reverse? What other sinister plots are hatching in
the old abandoned gaol at Lady Loosley's Head? Join us next time when John forgets to
turn off his Mic.

SOUND LIKE MUD HITTING CONCRETE. TOILET FLUSHING.

PETRA: Babe, you really need to change your diet.

SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: Next time on Paranormal Patrol.

THEME OUT.

(Credits)

LINDA: You have been listening to the voices of: Hester van der Vyver, Cheng, Linda Chong, Nate
Gothard, Thomas Taufan, Gavin Jones.

Thank you for Listening.

THEME SONG OUT WITH JOYFUL ANIMAL NOISES.
END.

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones