Getting You Home On Friday

(Getting You Home On Friday - Episode - 037 - The Last Hurrah)

INTRO SONG

DEEP VOICE: We're Getting You Home On Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fri, Fri, Fri, Friday!

INTRO OUT

(On the Roman Nose, Dire Warning)

THEME SONG: ROMAN MILITARY STYLE DRUMS WITH A FLOURISH OF
HORNS.

VOICE: And now, to Rome!

CROWD CHEERING.

SENSUS: Shall I shut the doors, Caesar?

CAESAR: Yes, please.

ROLLER DOOR AND THEN ALARM BEEPS.

CAESAR: That's better. I mean, it is great to hear the masses so pre-occupied.

SENSUS: Indeed.

CAESAR: Well what's on today?

SENSUS: Ruth the toothless soothsayer is here to see you.

CAESAR: Does she know I'm here?

SENSUS: Wouldn't be much of a soothsayer if she didn't.

CAESAR: Damn. She’s always so melodramatic. Beware this, beware that, the
Ides of March; the March of tides; starch my strides; the eyes are
much tidier and all of that.

SENSUS: She has saved your life on several occasions.

CAESAR: That is true.

SENSUS: And she did get rid of that evil spirit in the palace.

CAESAR: Cleopatra's mother?

SENSUS: Yes.

CAESAR: Yes, yes I can't deny I am indebted. Very well, call her in.

SENSUS: (CALLING OUT) Call Ruth the Toothless Soothsayer.

GUARD: (DISTANT) Call Ruth the Toothless Soothsayer.

INTERCOM: (OVER PA) Ruse the loosest moose player please report to Lord Caesar.

DOOR OPENING AND WE HEAR JEWELLERY AND FOOTSTEPS
WITH ONE FOOT DRAGGING.

CAESAR: Fix that.

SENSUS: Yes Caesar.

RUTH: Ave my Lord Caesar.

CAESAR: Ave, Ruth. What has happened to your foot to make it drag so?

RUTH: It is an old football injury.

CAESAR: You played football?

RUTH: No, I went out with a centre forward.

CAESAR: And was he…

RUTH: Forward indeed!

SENSUS: What brings you here, Ruth?

RUTH: A horse.

SENSUS: And....?

RUTH: A chariot.

CAESAR: And...?

RUTH: That's it, just a horse and chariot.

CAESAR: And do you have a message for me?

RUTH: How do you know?

CAESAR: Because you are here.

RUTH: Exactly and it is the very reason for me coming.

CAESAR: What is?

RUTH: Being here.

CAESAR: I see.

RUTH: Do you? Do you really? Or are you letting your judgement be clouded
by the very thing that obscures your sight?

CAESAR: Which means?

RUTH: Exactly, the mean witch means to wish you mean wishes.

CAESAR: What?

RUTH: No wait, I see, two men....

SENSUS: That's us.

RUTH: Yes, right in front of me.

SENSUS: That's us.

RUTH: And a large room with murals just like Caesar's palace.

SENSUS: It is Caesar's palace.

RUTH: Can you see it too?!

CAESAR: What is it that you want, Ruth?

RUTH: I come here with a dire warning.

CAESAR: Which is?

RUTH: A warning most dire.

SENSUS: We get that bit. What is the warning?

RUTH: What warning?

SENSUS: The warning so dire?

RUTH: Ah yes, the warning. Lord Caesar!

CAESAR: Yes, Ruth.

RUTH: I have severe news.

CAESAR: What is it?

RUTH: The palace walls have been breached.

SENSUS: What?

RUTH: The palace walls have been breached, what are you hard of hearing?

CAESAR: No, I'm not.

RUTH: What?

CAESAR: Hard of hearing.

RUTH: A little. But I like my herring hard.

CAESAR: And what is the nature of the breach to the palace?

RUTH: The cellars, the cellars are not secure.

SENSUS: Oh gods, she’s been at the wine again.

RUTH: You want to fight Charlie?

CAESAR: Oh dear, take her away Sensus until she sobers up a little.

SENSUS: Guard, escort Ruth to a safe room, please.

GUARD: Aye.

FEET MARCHING OVER.

RUTH: Oooh, hello handsome.

THEME OUT.

(Paranormal Patrol, Shabby Seagul, Chapter 20)

THEME SONG: BLEND OF PARANORMAL MUSIC WITH HEAVY BASS AND
SYNTH.

VOICE OVER: In this exciting and revealing episode of Paranormal Patrol, Arabella
Land, the owner of the Shabby Seagull Inn overlooking the Straits of
Dire sees the results of the team’s investigation. John Robust and Pete
Sake, founders of the Paranormal Patrol surprise her with an
incredible piece of video evidence.

JOHN: Look carefully at this....

ARABELLA: Is that someone taking a shower?

JOHN: Buster!!

SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: As all the secrets finally come out on this week’s astounding episode
of Paranormal Patrol.

THEME OUT.

ARABELLA: Hi John.

JOHN: Hi Arabella.

ARABELLA: Hi Pete.

PETE: Hello darling, oooh I like your dress.

ARABELLA: Well thank you.

PETE: Would I be correct in saying it is aqua?

JOHN: (SOFTLY) drop it...

ARABELLA: Yes it is. Many say it is blue, but you know a lot of people are colour
blind.

PETE: (SOFTLY) told you....

JOHN: Now has anything else happened since we’ve been here?

ARABELLA: Well, yes, I have had this feeling that I'm being watched.

JOHN: Where?

ARABELLA: When I'm in the shower.

PETE: Okay, let’s move on, but I'm sure we can get that particular feeling to
stop poppet.

JOHN: Now Arabella, you know what we did, you showed us the places
where the activity has happened and we set up our cameras and audio around to try and
capture what we could.

ARABELLA: Excellent.

PETE: Now petal, please don't be worried by any of this.

ARABELLA: Do I have a reason to be worried by any of this?

PETE: Of course not, I'm just using a precursory note to introduce this
segment so that you can relax.

ARABELLA: Okay, fine, but it didn't work.

PETE: Oh well, better luck next time, eh?

JOHN: Now firstly I would like you to look at this.

ARABELLA: What are we looking at?

PETE: It's a computer dear.

JOHN: This is at the end of the bar.

ARABELLA: Where the shadow appears?

JOHN: That's it.

ARABELLA: What am I looking at?

JOHN: Well, this is the first thing we can debunk. It isn't paranormal.

ARABELLA: Really? What is it?

JOHN: It's a ninja drinker.

ARABELLA: And what is that?

JOHN: Well years ago a grand master realised that he could use his skills to
get into bars unseen and drink other people's drinks unnoticed.

ARABELLA: Right....

PETE: Have you ever noticed you'll be drinking and suddenly look down and
think, ooh lala, hang on I haven't had that much!

ARABELLA: Not using those words... but yes.

JOHN: That's the drinking ninja.

ARABELLA: So, I shouldn't worry because it’s not a ghost, but a stranger I can't
see. Dressed in a ninja outfit, sipping from patrons glasses and my
own for that matter?

PETE: That's it.

JOHN: Now, I want to show you some footage from the cellar.

ARABELLA: The cellar?

JOHN: Yes. The cellar has some very high EMF readings. These Electro
Magnetic Fields can cause all sorts of problems and even lead to a
fear cage environment.

ARABELLA: A fear cage?

JOHN: It's when people with heightened sensitivity to these fields may
become paranoid, hear voices, get disorientated, feel nauseous or the
like.

ARABELLA: Oh thank goodness. So there's nothing to worry about in the cellar.

PETE: Now, we didn't say that...

ARABELLA: What?

JOHN: Have a look at this footage...

DRAGGING, STOP, DRAGGING.

BUSTER: (SLIGHTLY DISTORTED) Help me... please

A BIG DRAG...

No. Help.... mercy...

SCARY MUSIC.

ARABELLA: What in the hell was that?

JOHN: That was Buster, our technical specialist. He was dragged back into
the cellar repeatedly by an unseen entity.

ARABELLA: What?

PETE: This went on and on.

ARABELLA: Oh my god...

PETE: Now just relax....

JOHN: And here on this tape we have a quick excerpt from the recording of
the ghost ship Pete and I saw...

ARABELLA: Ghost ship?

CREWMAN: (SLIGHTLY DISTORTED) By about a hundred and fifty years (MANIACAL LAUGH)

ARABELLA: What???

JOHN: Then we just got a snippet of the spirit of the demented chef...

ARABELLA: Demented chef?

PETE: Oh that's just a nickname we gave him, he may have been a cook or
even a kitchenhand.

ARABELLA: Right, okay.

JOHN: Look here.

CHOP AND THUD OF HEAD TO FLOOR.

ARABELLA: Is that, is that a head?!

PETE: Regulate your breathing dear, slow down a bit..... that's it.

JOHN: And then we have the Lady in Blue...

PETE: Aqua

LADY IN BLUE: (SLGIHTLY DISTORTED) Where are you? Where?

ARABELLA: What the.....

PETE: Here now, blow into this paper bag......

HEAVY BREATHING

JOHN: So, looking at all the evidence, film footage of Buster being
dragged, voice of the boat, the visuals of the chef and head and
the Lady in Blue…

PETE: Aqua.

JOHN: I would probably have to say…

ARABELLA: That the place is haunted?

JOHN: Well possibly.

ARABELLA: (SCREAMS)

PERSON RUNNING AWAY.

THEME IN.

VOICE OVER: So the evidence comes out at the Shabby Seagull Inn overlooking the
Straits of Dire where the team conclude another great
investigation.

PETE: Ohhhh, she didn't even thank us

JOHN: Don't know why, she seemed okay with all of that...

VOICE OVER: And concludes the investigation of the Lady In Blue.

PETE: Aqua.

VOICE OVER: So join us for the next riveting episode of Paranormal Patrol.

THEME MUSIC OUT.

(Poem, The Last Hurrah)

VOICE:

There is one last time
to catch my eye
in reflections in the pools
Cast one more honest
thought before the body cools......

Before this day melts,
Before the last breath has gone
Give me one last hurrah,
One last hurrah

Give me just a few more minutes
to achieve the goals I’ve set
Grant me the will to value time
with some sober intellect

Before this day melts,
Before the breath has gone
There’s one last hurrah,
One last hurrah.

“OPEN SKIES” PLAYS (Guitar strums to gentle, happy music, a little
sombre)

MIKE JONES: (LYRICS)

I’ve walked this path a thousand times before
Stepped the lichened stones shaded by the restless trees
Left my cares back with the car down by the stream
And followed whims and whispers as they please

And high above the mountains kiss the cloud
and I walk on

I’m going home
To where the wind will greet me with her song
Remind me of the dreams we used to share
I’m going home
To where the river rushes over stones
back, back where I belong

Tread the winter leaves to the calling creek
As it stumbles over tumbled rocks and fallen limbs
The sun is chasing shadows cross the open fields
And all around gentle souls and beating wings

And I feel the turning of the seasons
once again

I’m going home
To where the wind will greet me with her song
Remind me of the dreams we used to share
I’m going home
To where the river rushes over stones
back, back where I belong

Climb the rise to where the fire warmed a room
By the orchard now tangled and overgrown
Evening colours woven from a tiring sky
To the fading hills and the valley down below

And I swear you can touch every star the looks your way

Ohhhh, I’m going home
To where the wind will greet me with her song
Remind me of the dreams we used to share
I’m going home
To where the river rushes over stones
back, back where I belong

Back, back where I belong.

END

Thank you for listening, special thanks to the cast, crew and all those who joined us on this journey.
Much love to all.

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones

Credits for Getting You Home On Friday – Episode 37

Written by Michael Jones
Directed by Iley Jones
Sound Recording, Editing and Mixing by Eliot Quentin
Composed by Mike Jones
Post Production by Bass Mike Studios
Additional Writing and Editing by Iley Jones
Additional Music sourced by Bass Hathaway
Produced by Bass Mike Studios and Iris Lantern

RN019: Dire Warning
Voiced by: Nate Gothard as Caesar
Hester van der Vyver as Sensus and Ruth
Thomas Taufan as Voice and Guard
Linda Chong as Intercom

PP020: Shabby Seagull
Voiced by: Gavin Jones as John
Thomas Taufan as Pete
Hester van der Vyver as Lady in Blue
Nate Gothard as Buster, Crewman and Voice Over
Linda Chong as Arabella

Episode SS023: Poem
Voiced by: Nate Gothard as Voice
Mike Jones as himself.