Getting You Home On Friday

(Getting You Home On Friday - Episode - 036 - I'm sure Albert will Help)

INTRO SONG

DEEP VOICE: We're Getting You Home On Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fri, Fri, Fri, Friday!

(Paranormal Patrol, Shabby Seagull, Chapter 19)

THEME SONG: BLEND OF PARANORMAL MUSIC WITH HEAVY BASS AND
SYNTH.

VOICE OVER: In this week's episode of Paranormal Patrol, Buster makes it out of the
cellar of the Shabby Seagull Inn looking over the Straits of Dire.

JEAN: Oh well that's the end of that.

PETE: I guess the show's over then.

PETRA: We can replay it though.

VOICE OVER: The mystery of the Lady in Blue…

PETE: Aqua.

VOICE OVER: Sorry, Aqua deepens with the discovery of eerie whispers from the
verandah. And Pete comes face to face with a face.

SCREAMING

PETE: I look thirty!

JOHN: You are thirty.

PETE: Bastard!

SCARY MUSIC. THEME OUT.

BUSTER: Oh... oh I made it...

JOHN: Are you all right Buster?

BUSTER: Oh John it's you. Thank goodness. I can't believe that... I just…

PETE: Oh Buster, you're so dusty!

BUSTER: I've been trying to get out and every time something would grab me
and drag....(SOBS) drag me back.....

PETE: There, there Buster..... think about how much evidence there will be.
You’re a pioneer, you’re also in dire need of a shower.

BUSTER: You catch any of it on video?

JOHN: All one hour and fifty-four minutes of it.

BUSTER: What took you so long to get down here?

JOHN: Ghost things mate. You know the drill.

SCARY MUSIC. SEASIDE AMBIENCE.

JEAN: Look up on the verandah!

PETRA: Is that the Lady in Blue?

JEAN: Pete says aqua.

PETRA: Well then it’s aqua. He’s pretty good with colours. The other day he
picked out this lovely machete for me in Lamington and Bubblegum
hues, I’ve never … Hold that thought. She's moving closer.....

MOANING.

JEAN: Did you hear that?

SCARY MUSIC.

PETRA: It made everything stand up on end.

JEAN: Oh, so you’re um…equipped are you?

PETRA: I meant the hairs on the back of my neck.

JEAN: Oooh.

LADY IN BLUE: Where are you? Where?

PETRA: Did you hear that? Where are you?

JEAN: Yes.

SCARY MUSIC.

PETE: Now one step at a time Buster. There we go. Just like a brave little soldier.

BUSTER: Ohh, uggh

PETE: Now little soldiers don't dribble, do they? We should get you a bib.

JOHN: Shh, did you hear that?

SCARY MUSIC.

PETE: What?

JOHN: It sounded like a voice.

PETE: Of course it did. I was just talking.

JOHN: It sounded like a woman's voice

PETE: Oh, you bitch.

LADY IN BLUE: Where are you? Where?

PETE: Ooh that!

SCARY MUSIC.

That sounded close.

FEET RUNNING UPSTAIRS AND AWAY.

PETE: Well, look at Buster go!

JOHN: Must've got his second wind....

PETE: Oooh, there's a nasty odour.

JOHN: Sorry I just got mine.

SCARY MUSIC. RUNNING.

PETRA: Buster, calm down, you’re back at command central.

BUSTER: What just happened?

JEAN: You ran straight out the doors and through the Lady in Aqua.

BUSTER: It was just a blu…

JEAN: Aqua. Not blue.

PETRA: As soon as you appeared she disappeared.

JEAN: It’s a shame really, we had some good footage.

FOOTSTEPS GETTING CLOSER.

JOHN: Hey, let’s wrap this up for tonight. We have a lot of material to go
through.

PETE: Oh, hello Buster, it looks like you have your legs back.

BUSTER: Yeah...

PETE: But you're as white as a sheet.

BUSTER: I really need a stiff drink.

JOHN: Well considering what has taken place today, I think you deserve one.
Petra, just reach in behind that camera bag, that's it.

HAND SEARCHING IN A BAG, THEN A BOTTLE OPENING.
POURING OF WHISKEY INTO A GLASS.

But just a small one.

PETRA: Here, get this into you babes.

BUSTER: Thanks.

PETE: Did you get the Lady in Aqua…

JOHN: Blue.

PETE: Aqua on tape?

PETRA: Yeah, we just got her when Buster came through the doors and
through her and then she vanished. Hey Buster, would you like
another one?

BUSTER: I haven't had this one yet.

JOHN: Your glass is empty.

PETRA: The ninja drinker returned!

DISTANT "HOOOYA!" THEN SCARY MUSIC.

PETE: Well that would explain the shadow at the end of the bar.

JOHN: Too right. Here, have another one.

BUSTER: Thanks.

POURING.

JOHN: Now be quick...

BUSTER: Oh damn.

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: All right, let’s get the lights on and get the gear ready. Petra, you get
the cameras in the bar and the kitchen, Jean can you get the gear out
of Arabella's bathroom?

JEAN: Who would have put cameras in the bathroom?

BUSTER: I thought it was integral to the investigation.

JEAN: Bastard.

JOHN: And Buster...

BUSTER: Yes John.

JOHN: Could you get the cameras out of the basement, please?

BUSTER: What? But we have to go in pairs?

PETRA: I’m sure Albert will help.

SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: On the next amazingly incoherent episode, John and Pete show
Arabella Land the owner of the Shabby Seagull Inn overlooking the
Straits of Dire, the evidence they have collected. But in the
meantime they keep a watchful eye on Buster....

BUSTER: (SLIGHTLY DISTORTED) No, no, please don't..... help.

JOHN: Popcorn?

PETE: Yes, please!

VOICE OVER: On the next explicitly incandescent episode of Paranormal Patrol.

THEME OUT.

(Short Skit, Protection)

LADY: Oh, John, before we go any further, do you have protection?

JOHN: Of course.

LADY: Oh John! Oh!

KISSING ETC.

LADY: (SCREAMS) Who is that?!

JOHN: Oh that’s Rocky, my protection.

ROCKY: Hello, Luv, nice night for it eh?

(Ed & Ted, Fer a Monday)

THEME SONG: GENTLE GUITAR STUMMING AND WHISTLING.

NARRATOR: Tie me kangaroo down sport and handcuff me to a gum tree, too. The
bottle brush looks good this time of year. So come with me now down
that little country track to the mighty outback where yesterday's news
is still three years away and many can count to twelve on their toes!

THEME SONG FADES OUT.

ED: Ted.

TED: Ed.

ED: 'ow are you?

TED: Not bad

ED: Not bad?

TED: Not bad for…

ED: Fer an old fella?

TED: Nar… fer heaven's sake will you let me finish me sentences.

ED: Sorry.

TED: Right. Not bad fer a Monday.

ED: Right.

TED: What?

ED: Well...

TED: Well what?

ED: Ted?

TED: Yes, Ed?

ED: It's Tuesday.

TED: Dinkum?

ED: Straight.

TED: That's not good.

ED: Why?

TED: Me calendar must be broke.

ED: When did you get it?

TED: A couple o' years ago.

ED: Strueth.

TED: Too right.

ED: Did you get a warranty?

TED: No good.

ED: No good?

TED: Nah.

ED: Nah?

TED: Was only good fer 12 months.

ED: Bugger.

TED: Too right.

ED: Have yer thought of getting a watch?

TED: A watch? What'd I do with a watch?

ED: You cud watch it.

TED: Nar. Anyway, I know what time it is.

ED: Really?

TED: Yeah.

ED: Dinkum?

TED: Yeah, straight like.

ED: Okay, what time is it?

TED: It's Tuesday.

ED: Yeah but what time?

TED: Morning.

ED: Precisely, like.

TED: Late mornin'.

ED: Nah, more precise.

TED: Late mornin', after smoko.

ED: Damn.

TED: What?

ED: Blast and damnation, like.

TED: What, not precise enough?

ED: Nah.

TED: Nah?

ED: Nah.

TED: Then what?

ED: I missed smoko.

TED: When?

ED: Just now like.

TED: Really?

ED: Yeah, you said it was late morning after smoko.

TED: That's right.

ED: Well there you go?

TED: Where?

ED: There you go, I missed smoko.

TED: Blast.

ED: Blast?

TED: Yeah.

ED: Why?

TED: So did I.

ED: Bugger.

CROW CAWS AND GUNSHOT.

THEME OUT.

(Credits)
LINDA: You have been listening to the voices of: Gavin Jones, Thomas Taufan, Hester van der Vyver, Nate
Gothard, Linda Chong, Cheng

Thank you for Listening.

THEME SONG OUT WITH JOYFUL ANIMAL NOISES.
END.

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones