Getting You Home On Friday

(Getting You Home On Friday - Episode - 035 - The Flu, the Blues and some Quick News)

INTRO SONG

DEEP VOICE: We're Getting You Home On Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fri, Fri, Fri, Friday!

INTRO OUT
(Short Skit, Weather Report)

REPORTER: And now for the weather

SHEEP BLEET

Thank you.

(Paranormal Patrol, Shabby Seagull, Chapter 18)

THEME SONG: BLEND OF PARANORMAL MUSIC WITH HEAVY BASS AND
SYNTH.

VOICE OVER: In this week's incredibly stunning and enthralling episode of
Paranormal Patrol at the Shabby Seagull Inn overlooking the Straits
of Dire, the mystery of the Blue Lady deepens.

PETE: Not deep blue, not light blue, not blue. Just aqua.

VOICE OVER: And Buster tries to make his way out of the basement.

DRAGGING, STOPPING, THEN DRAGGING.

BUSTER: (SLIGHTLY DISTORTED) Help…

VOICE OVER: As Petra and Jean look on in horror from command central.

JEAN & PETRA: (LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

VOICE OVER: So join us now for this amazingly incredibly enthrallingly wow episode
of Paranormal Patrol.

DRAGGING AND STOPPING. THEN DRAGGING...

PETRA: Look here he comes again.

JEAN: Oh, he's to the door. Maybe he does go to the gym.

BIG DRAG BACK.

BUSTER: (INTERCOM) No, please help.....

JEAN AND PETRA: (LAUGH)

JEAN: Oh, he almost got there. Should we go and help?

PETRA: I'm not sure. I mean we are gathering great evidence, it’s good
marketing material and frankly it’s the most fun I’ve had in a while.

JEAN: True.

PETRA: Want some?

POPCORN IN BOX BEING SHAKEN.

JEAN: What's is it?

PETRA: Popcorn, caramel popcorn.

JEAN: Oh. Sure.

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: Pete?

PETE: (MUFFLED) yeah

JOHN: I'm hearing strange things from this cupboard.

PETE: (MUFFLED) Don't be scared.

JOHN: I'm not. Why?

PETE: (MUFFLED) Cause it's me.

CUPBOARD DOOR OPENING.

JOHN: What are you doing in there?

PETE: Having a private disco, what do you think?

JOHN: Shhh. Did you hear that?

PETE: The chopping?

JOHN: Yeah

PETE: That's why I'm in here.

JOHN: Come on, get out of there. You take the Thermonuclear Camera and
we'll try to catch whatever is making this racket.

A LARGE CHOP AND SOMETHING FALL TO THE GROUND.

JOHN: What was that?

PETE: A large chopping sound.

JOHN: And the other sound?

SCARY MUSIC.

(ASIDE) Pete and I were investigating a chopping sound coming from
the kitchen, when a large chop was heard and then what sounded like
a head roll off the bench and hit the floor.

PETE: It really and honestly sounded like a head rolling off the board and
onto the floor.

JOHN: Come on let’s go.

FEET MOVING.

PETE: Oh, whew! Look like it's was just a large cabbage on the floor.

JOHN: A large cabbage! Where?

PETE: Just here, next to the head. Oh my....

SCREAM.

JOHN: It’s all right Pete, I’m here and you’re safe. Now, where was the head?

PETE: Oh, John. It just reminded me of my Mother, may she rest in peace.

JOHN: I didn’t realise she passed.

PETE: She hasn’t.

(BEAT)

JOHN: Right…the head?

PETE: Just there... oh wait, it's gone.

JOHN: Now that is strange.

SCARY MUSIC.

PETRA: Oh, oh he's almost out of the cellar!

BUSTER: (SLIGHTLY DISTORTED) No, no help.... mercy

JEAN: Oh that was good. You can see where he’s left nail marks on the
floor.

PETRA: Pretty good, considering its slate.

JEAN: I think we'd better get down there and give him a hand. You know,
health and safety, HR and all that.

PETRA: Ha, like we have an HR team. Choc top?

JEAN: I suppose he can wait a little longer.

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: Wait.... did you hear that?

PETE: What?

JOHN: That scraping sound.

SCRAPPING / DRAGGING.

PETE: That sound?

JOHN: That's it!

JOHN: It sounds like it’s coming from the cellar.

PETE: Oooh, I wonder if it's Buster?

JOHN: John to command central, Petra are you there?

PETRA: (WALKIE TALKIE) Petra here John.

JOHN: We are hearing strange dragging noises in the basement, do
you have a visual there?

PETRA: (WALKIE TALKIE) Yeah.

JOHN: What is it?

PETRA: (WALKIE TALKIE) Well, it seems that Buster is trying to drag himself out of the cellar, but when
he gets near the door, something drags him back in again.

JOHN: How long has this been going on?

PETRA: (WALKIE TALKIE) Twenty-four minutes and thirty-five seconds.

JOHN: Are we getting this evidence on tape?

PETRA: (WALKIE TALKIE) Does Pete wax his legs while singing show tunes?

PETE: You pervert.

JOHN: Okay we'll go down and get him.

PETRA: (WALKIE TALKIE) It’s worth seeing from here, John.

JOHN: Really?

PETRA: (WALKIE TALKIE) Yep. And we have choc top ice-creams.

JOHN: Hold on. Pete, help Buster or Choc tops?

PETE: Choc tops every time.

JOHN: We'll be right up.

THEME IN.

VOICE OVER: In next week’s scary and frighteningly awesome episode, can Buster
escape the fear cage that is the cellar beneath the Shabby Seagull
Inn that overlooks the Straits of Dire? Can John and Pete save him?

JOHN, PETE, PETRA AND JEAN: (LAUGHING)

JOHN: So close and yet so far, you've got to admire his gumption.

PETE: What's he holding onto the door frame with?

JOHN: His teeth.

JOHN, PETE, PETRA AND JEAN: (LAUGH)

SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: So join us for the next incredibly enthrallingly excitingly awesome
episode of Paranormal Patrol.

THEME OUT.

(Ed & Ted, Allergic Reactions)

THEME SONG: GENTLE GUITAR STUMMING AND WHISTLING.

NARRATOR: Long ago in the days of horse and cart, you could have taken three days to reach our
beloved, little town. Now with the aid of the motor car and the state government looking
after the roads, it takes five. Ahhh progress, so come with me now to the famed outback,
where men are born in the saddle and the horses need washing.

THEME SONG FADES OUT.

ED: Ted.

TED: Ed.

ED: 'ow are yeh?

TED: Oh, got a bit of the flu.

ED: Sick like?

TED: Nar.

ED: Nar?

TED: Nar, got a bit of the flu on the arm. Burnt like.

ED: Oh, the fire flu.

TED: Yeah, on me stove.

ED: Not good.

TED: Could've been worse.

ED: Guess so. Could always be worse.

TED: Yeah. 'ave a look at me other arm.

ED: Geez that's nasty.

TED: Yeah.

ED: 'ow'd you do that?

TED: I didn't.

ED: Then 'oo did?

TED: That there is an allergic reaction like.

ED: Say what?

TED: You 'eard. An allergic reaction.

ED: Crikey.

TED: And the rest.

ED: Yeah.

TED: I went to the doc.

ED: What did 'e say?

TED: Morning Ted.

ED: Well.

TED: Nah, that's why I went.

ED: Right.

TED: And I sez, Doc, what's this?

ED: An 'e sez?

TED: Don't rush me, Ed.

ED: Sorry Ted.

TED: 'e sez, "that there's an arm".

ED: Blimey.

TED: 'e knows his stuff.

ED: ‘e sure does. And then what?

TED: I says, "yeah, but what's that?"

ED: And?

TED: He sez "that there is an allergic reaction", like.

ED: Straight up and down.

TED: Yes. I sez, "that's a bit rash".

ED: And?

TED: He sez "exactly".

ED: He sez "exactly"?

TED: Yeah, buggered if I know.

ED: 'ow?

TED: He's sez I reacted to somethin'.

ED: What could that be?

TED: I sez, could be when me wife walked out?

ED: An 'e sez?

TED: Nah.

ED: Nah?

TED: Nah. I sez, it isn't like one of those diseases like hippos.

ED: Hippos?

TED: You know when your wiv a shiela.

ED: Oh 'erpies.

TED: No, don't think that was er name. Anyway, Doc sez he don't think so.

ED: What then?

TED: He asks, "you react to milk?"

ED: Not as much as beer.

TED: Too right.

ED: What did he say?

TED: 'e sez, could it be milk that gave you the rash?

ED: An?

TED: I sez, that's it, Bess kicked me when I was milking her this mornin'.

ED: That'll do it.

TED: Yep, too right.

ED: Too right.

AMBIENCE AND STOCK WHIP.

THEME OUT.
(Credits)
LINDA: You have been listening to the voices of: Linda Chong, Nate Gothard, Gavin Jones, Thomas
Taufan, Hester van der Vyver, Cheng

Thank you for Listening.

THEME SONG OUT WITH JOYFUL ANIMAL NOISES.

END.

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones