Getting You Home On Friday

(Getting You Home On Friday - Episode - 032 - Ahoy Sailor, We Have Budget Studs)

INTRO SONG

DEEP VOICE: We're Getting You Home On Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fri, Fri, Fri, Friday!

INTRO OUT

(Paranormal Patrol, Shabby Seagul (Chapter 15)

THEME SONG: BLEND OF PARANORMAL MUSIC WITH HEAVY BASS AND
SYNTH.

VOICE OVER: In this episode of Paranormal Patrol.

SCARY MUSIC.

Pete and John think they catch a glimpse of the ghost ship that the
Lady in Aqua has been waiting for.

JOHN: I still think blue, Lady in Blue.

PETE: Aqua.

VOICE OVER: And Petra and Jean catch the shadow at the end of the bar.

SCARY MUSIC.

So join us now for another gripping episode of Paranormal Patrol.

THEME OUT. AMBIENT SEASIDE MUSIC.

JOHN: Look, there!

SCARY MUSIC.

PETE: Where, oh there... isn't it lovely?

JOHN: What?

PETE: You are referring to the moon on the water, aren't you John?

JOHN: No, just to the right of the moonlight, but yes the moonlight is lovely.

PETE: What is it?

JOHN: I think it’s a…

Large old fashioned…
Ship!

PETE: Shit?!

JOHN: No, ship!

SCARY MUSIC.

PETE: Ooohhh, you think so? I can't quite see.

JOHN: See the masts, the billowing sails, the bow and the wake....

PETE: Oooh yes, isn't it stunning?

JOHN: Is that the ghost ship that the Lady in Blue…

PETE: Aqua.

JOHN: has been waiting for?

JEAN: Buster said he saw a shadow at the end of the bar.
I can't quite see anything.

PETRA: Where?

JEAN: At the end of the bar. Why?

PETRA: If you can’t quite see anything babes, then perhaps something Is
blocking it. Something not too human.

JEAN: Did you hear that?

SCARY MUSIC.

JEAN: (ASIDE) Petra and I were investigating the bar room after Buster had
alerted us to a shadow he saw over the monitors. When we went up
there, I definitely heard a knocking sound.

KNOCK.

Did you hear that?

PETRA: What?

JEAN: That knocking sound.

PETRA: I wonder if that was our friend?

JEAN: The chair thrower?

KNOCK.

PETRA: Cool.

JEAN: Great.

PETRA: No I meant it got a lot cooler, just here.

JEAN: Right. What name were we up to?

PETRA: Abe?

TWO KNOCKS.

JEAN: No it doesn't like that one. How about Alan?

TWO KNOCKS.

PETRA: No. How about Albert?

ONE KNOCK.

JEAN: Really, Albert?

ONE KNOCK.

PETRA: Albert it is! Sweet, sweet Albert…want to throw another chair?

ALBERT: Hehehehehe

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: So could that be a ghost ship?

PETE: Oooh, I hadn't thought of that.

JOHN: What do you mean you hadn't thought of that... what do you
think we do?

PETE: Oh look someone is waving to us.

JOHN: Really?

PETE: Ahoy sailor!

CREWMAN: Ahoy sequined man on shore!

PETE: Ohh, he has good eyes. What is the name of your vessel?

CREWMAN: The Sassy Lassie out of Ramsbottom.

PETE: Oh that's an image I didn't want…

JOHN: Where are you bound for?

CREWMAN: Old Hobart Town, we’re running a bit late.

JOHN: Oh it must be a tourist vessel.

CREWMAN: By a hundred and fifty years.....(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

JOHN: Must be a government ferry.

PETE: It just disappeared.

JOHN: Where?

SCARY MUSIC.

(ASIDE) Pete and I were making contact with what appeared to be a
ghost ship, when it just vanished into thin air. This seems to be an
intelligent haunting, where there is an attempt to make contact and
interface with us.

PETE: I'm not sure I'd want to interface with them.

SCARY MUSIC.

PETRA: Jean, look at the end of the bar.

JEAN: What?

PETRA: The shadow, did it just move?

SCARY MUSIC. THEME IN.

VOICE OVER: In the next incredible episode of Paranormal Patrol, Pete and John try
to debunk the vanishing vessel.

JOHN: Did that really happen or were we just projecting our thoughts?

PETE: Johnnie, if we were projecting our thoughts then the sailors would
have been shirtless at least. And good looking. And offering us an
expensive whiskey with a side of fries and a cigar.

JOHN: Interesting. Not quite my thoughts but interesting.

VOICE OVER: And Buster faces his fears in the cellar of the Shabby Seagull Inn
overlooking the Straits of Dire. So join us then in the next amazingly
incredibly enthralling episode of Paranormal Patrol.

THEME OUT.

(Question Time, Budget Studs)

THEME SONG WITH V/O.

V/O: Now to the House of Representatives for Question Time.

REPORTER: And now to the hallowed halls of power, we cross to question time in
the Lower House of Parliament. School Children have taken over, oh, those are not
school children. I repeat those are not school children. They are the politicians.

GENERAL RUMBLING OF VOICES.

SPEAKER: Order, order. As the time is now 2:00pm we have questions without
notice. The Leader of the Opposition.

LEADER OPP: Thank you, Madam Speaker. My question is to the Treasurer. Can you
guarantee that the budget will not blowout, considering the strain
placed on the public purse by your policies?

SPEAKER: The Treasurer.

TREASURER: Thank you, Madam Speaker. I think it is ludicrous after ten years of
neglect that the Honourable member would stoop so low as to ask
such a question. It is undeniable that he has lost the plot and is under
threat from another leadership spill.

SPEAKER: The Opposition Whip on a point of order.

UNREST/ RABBLE.

OPP WHIP: Relevance Madam Speaker, the question relates...

SPEAKER: There is no point of order he is clearly answering the question by
moving his mouth and using his vocal chords. The Treasurer.

TREASURER: Thank you, Madam Speaker (CLEARS THROAT). It is clear that the opposition does not
have any policies and that heis gross inadequacies are apparent. She is obviously
overcompensating in asking this question, for his incredibly small and I might I say, supple
breasts.

RABBLE.

SPEAKER: A supplementary question from the leader of the opposition.

LEADER OPP: Thank you, Madam Speaker. As the Treasurer failed to answer the
question, I will ask again, does he feel that the budget will run into
deficit?

SPEAKER: (GETTING BORED) The Treasurer.

TREASURER: Thank you Madam Speaker and I thank the Honourable Gentleman for
her question. Well, we will not enter into such speculation about what
may or may not happen in the future, that is for the party room to
decide. It is clear that the Leader of the Opposition is trying to stir up
concern for the economy and is unpatriotic in doing so. How dare he
question this government and potentially throw the whole economy
into disarray which may very well cause a blowout in the deficit which
will all be on her head. Her very strange and small, warty head.

RABBLE WITH MUFFLED GENERAL JEERS.

TREASURER: Oh and an interjection from the Shadow minister of Defence, you
wanker.

SPEAKER: Please address all comments through the chair.

TREASURER: My apologies. Madam Speaker, the Shadow Minister for Defence is a
wanker.

SPEAKER: That's better.

TREASURER: All they do is just…

SPEAKER: The Opposition Whip on a point of order.

RABBLE CONTINUES.

SPEAKER: Order, now order.

SILENCE.

SPEAKER: The Opposition whip has just as much right to be heard in this chamber. The Opposition whip.

OPP WHIP: Relevance, the Treasurer hasn't…..

SPEAKER: Shut up. I have listened to the answer so far and note that the
Honourable Member has two minutes left to answer and is being
relevant. The Treasurer.

TREASURER: A real wanker.

SPEAKER: Thank you. Now will the member of Wherethehellawee stop pulling
the hair of the Member of Wotajob.

RABBLE.

SPEAKER: Now, oh...another bloody supplementary from the Leader of the
Opposition.

LEADER OPP: Thank you, Madam Speaker. If the treasurer won't enter into
speculation about the future economics, why is he treasurer?

SPEAKER: The Treasurer.

TREASURER: Because our side whipped your sorry arses in the last election with a
handful of promises that we'd never keep and I cried out dibs for the
spot because of my factional support. So you can stick it up your......

SPEAKER: The Treasurer will sit down. Now we will not proceed until there is
complete silence in this room....

SILENCE.

SPEAKER: The Member for Dungwallagan will stop mooning the members for Whatacroc and Kickatin.
Now, listen intently to the answer given by the Treasurer. The Treasurer.

MUFFLED CONVERSATIONS IN BACKGROUND.

TREASURER: Thank you, Madam Speaker. All I wanted to add was that the Leader
of the Opposition needs to get an enlargement of her…

SPEAKER: Your time is up. Ah, the Member for Upper Ramsbottom.

UPPERRAM: Thank you, Madam Speaker. My question is for the Prime Minister.
Can the Prime Minister inform the house as to where he got his
incredible talents and good looks from and why his looks are so much
better, than those of the opposition?

SPEAKER: The Prime Minister.

PRIME MINISTER: I would like to thank the Honourable Member for his question
without notice which has taken me somewhat by surprise. I know for
a fact that he himself is a bit of a stud…

RABBLE BEGINS AND FADES OUT.

(Ed & Ted, Pretty Crook)

THEME SONG: GENTLE GUITAR STUMMING AND WHISTLING.

NARRATOR: Time is a traveller, Tenterfield Saddler, oh yes, so saddle me up and
ride me 'till the sun sets with all the colours of the rainbow and then
some more. And what a land of colours it is, this land of green and
gold, red, white and blue and that dark red stuff that accompanies
road kill. So come with me now down that road with all its colours to
the famed outback.

THEME SONG FADES OUT.

ED: Ted.

CROW CAW.

ED: And you?

CROW CAW.

ED: Really?

CROW CAW.

TED: Ed?

ED: Ted?

TED: Yeah.

ED: Then's oo's this?

CROW CAW.

TED: It's a crow.

ED: Oh.

TED: Did you think it was me?

ED: Nar.

TED: Nar?

ED: Nar.

TED: Really?

ED: Yeah, made more sense.

TED: Bustard.

ED: What?

TED: Over there.

ED: What?

TED: A bustard. A member of the crane family.

ED: Reg Crane?

TED: Nar?

ED: Nar.

TED: The Crane family.

ED: Oh, the Crane family.

TED: Yeah.

ED: Burt Crane

TED: That's him.

ED: 'ow is 'e, by the way?

TED: By the way, 'es pretty crook.

ED: Pretty crook?

TED: Yeah, pretty crook.

ED: Flu?

TED: Nar, he robbed a place dressed as a sheila.

ED: Oh, pretty crook.

TED: Yeah, he had the legs for it.

ED: Shapely?

TED: Nah, fast.

ED: He got away then?

TED: Almost.

ED: Almost?

TED: Yeah, he was nabbed by Sergeant Prosset.

ED: Sergeant Prosset?

TED: Yeah, he was dressed as an Olympic sprinter.

ED: Well, bugger me.

TED: Prefer not.

ED: Feelin's mutual.

TED: Too right.

(PAUSE)

ED: An Olympic sprinter, eh? Clever.

TED: Anyway, he got twelve months.

ED: Only twelve months?

TED: Yeah, stole a calendar.

ED: Strueth.

TED: Could be worse.

ED: Could always be worse.

TED: True.

ED: Straight up and down.

AMBIENCE AND STOCK WHIP.

THEME OUT.

(Credits)

LINDA: You have been listening to the voices of: Gavin Jones, Thomas Taufan, Hester van der Vyver,
Nate Gothard, Linda Chong, Cheng.

Thank you for Listening.

THEME SONG OUT WITH JOYFUL ANIMAL NOISES.

END.

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones