Getting You Home On Friday

(Getting You Home On Friday - Episode - 031 - Crook as Rookwood)

INTRO SONG

DEEP VOICE: We're Getting You Home On Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fr, Fri, Fri, Fri, Friday!

INTRO OUT

(News, Golf)

THEME SONG.

NEWS ANCHOR: Good afternoon. Golfing champion Tron Rivers bowed out after the
first round of the rain soaked Canadian Masters, blaming his shoes
stating that it is the only time he has regretted getting a hole-in-one.

And now we cross to Jack Smith for our region weather wrap up. Jack
how is it looking?

JACK: Dry

NEWS ANCHOR: Thank you, Jack. Stay tuned for more news.

THEME SONG.

(Paranormal Patrol, Shabby Seagull, Ep 14)

THEME SONG: BLEND OF PARANORMAL MUSIC WITH HEAVY BASS
AND SYNTH.

VOICE OVER: On this week’s incredibly enthralling episode of Paranormal Patrol,
Petra and Jean get up close and personal with the cellar ghost at the
Shabby Seagull Inn overlooking the Straits of Dire under the
brilliance of a full moon.

PETE: It really is quite lovely.

JOHN: It makes you feel like dancing, naked on the beach.

PETE: You’re a wonderfully strange man John.

SCARY MUSIC.

VOICE OVER: And Pete and John catch the Lady in Blue on film for the very first
time. So join us now for Paranormal Patrol.

THEME MUSIC OUT. AMBIENT SEA SIDE.

JOHN: Pete, bring the infrared still camera. We'll try and capture her on film.

PETE: The Lady in Aqua?

JOHN: Blue.

PETE: You say potato, I say you’re wrong.

BAG BEING ZIPPED OPEN.

Found it.

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: (ASIDE) We sometimes use a still infrared camera to see if we can pick
up an image of an entity on film, or in this modern era, digitally. It
should be able to get us proof of the existence of the Lady but it
won't confirm the colour of her dress, which is blue.

PETE: Aqua.

SCARY MUSIC.

JEAN: Petra, I am sure that this is him, the entity from the cell at the old
Abandoned Gaol at Lady Loosley's Head.

PETRA: I'm convinced as well.

JEAN: Do you have a name?

(PAUSE)

Would you like a name?

PETRA: We could give you a nickname. Something flash, a one word zinger
like Shrek or Björk.

GHOST: Hehehehehe

JEAN: I think he likes that idea.

PETRA: Why don't we start at the beginning of the alphabet and if you like a
name tap once for yes, and twice for no, if you don't like it. Okay,
babe?

THREE TAPS THEN SCARY MUSIC.

JEAN: Well he obviously has a sense of humour.

GHOST: Hehehehehehe

PETRA: Okay, how about Aardvark?

JEAN: What?

PETRA: Aardvark.

JEAN: Noone would call someone Aardvark.

PETRA: My Auntie was.

JEAN: I thought your Auntie was Eda.

PETRA: That's right babes, Aunt Eda. An aardvarks an Aunt Eda.

TWO KNOCKS.

JEAN: He didn't like that.

PETRA: The name?

KNOCK.

JEAN: Or the joke?

KNOCK.

PETRA: Rude.

SCARY MUSIC. SEASSIDE AMBIENCE.

JOHN: There over by the wood pile!

PETE: Where?

JOHN: There, quick get a shot.

PETE: All right already. Keep your pants on! The ones that clash with your shirt.

JOHN: Just take the shot!

PETE: I'm not a sniper for heaven's sake!

CAMERA CLICKING.

Oooh, that's a good one.

CLICK.

Oh, beautiful darling, just great, and again?

CONTINUOUS CLICKING.

Oh yeah, work with me, how about a little pout....

SCARY MUSIC.

BUSTER: (WALKIE TALKIE) John, come in John.

JOHN: John here, what is it, Buster?

BUSTER: (WALKIE TALKIE) I think we are getting a visual of a shadow at the end of the bar.

SCARY MUSIC.

JOHN: Great, what do you have?

BUSTER: (WALKIE TALKIE) A visual of a shadow at the end of the bar.

JOHN: (SIGHS) Can you get Petra and Jean to investigate, we’re
tied up with Lady in Blue.

PETE: Aqua.

BUSTER: (WALKIE TALKIE) Tied up with a ghost, if I were so lucky. Okay. Petra and Jean come in.

PETRA: Petra here, what is it, Buster?

BUSTER: (WALKIE TALKIE) I’m getting a visual of a shadow at the end of the
bar.

PETRA: Excellent.

BUSTER: (WALKIE TALKIE) Pete and John are busy with the Lady in Blue.

PETE: (WALKIE TALKIE) Aqua.

BUSTER: (WALKIE TALKIE) Could you go and investigate?

PETRA: Okay, we’re on it.

BUSTER: (WALKIE TALKIE) Thanks.

JEAN: Buster?

BUSTER: (WALKIE TALKIE) Yes, sweet thing?

JEAN: Jean.

BUSTER: (WALKIE TALKIE) Sweet thing Jean.

JEAN: Jerk.

BUSTER: (WALKIE TALKIE) Sweet thing Jean jerk.

JEAN: I think we need you back down in the cellar.

BUSTER: (WALKIE TALKIE) Bitch.

SCARY MUSIC THEN SEASIDE AMBIENT AND CAMERA
CLICKING.

PETE: Oh just lovely, how about a majestic romantic look, out to sea...oh
you do it so naturally.

JOHN: Look, she’s fading.....

PETE: Oh don't be shy.... I didn't even ask for nudity! They think they want
the fame, but can’t handle the pressure.

SCARY MUSIC. THEME IN.

VOICE OVER: On the next stunningly exciting enthrallment at the Shabby Seagull
Inn Pete and John see a vision out to sea.

JOHN: Is that an old ship?

PETE: Oooooh, I think it is, Hellooooo sailors.

VOICE OVER: And Jean and Petra get to the bottom of the shadow at the end of
the bar and Buster tries to get to the bottom of Arabella.

ARABELLA: Stop that!

SLAP.

VOICE OVER: So join us then on the next extraordinary episode of Paranormal
Patrol.

(Ed & Ted, Like Dad)

THEME SONG: GENTLE GUITAR STUMMING AND WHISTLING.

NARRATOR: It's time to get that dog back off the old tucker box five miles from
Gundagai, and start a picnic. An environmentally friendly way to
spend an afternoon in the outback, feeding the ants and flies. Once I hit a fly so large
that it hit me back. So come with me, down the little dirt track winding back to the
outback.

THEME SONG FADES OUT.

ED: Ted.

TED: Ed.

ED: 'ow are yeh?

TED: Crook.

ED: Crook?

TED: Crook.

ED: As Rookwood?

TED: Nah, crook. Angry like.

ED: Angry like?

TED: Yeah, angry like.

ED: What's got yeh goat?

TED: Me goat?

ED: Yeah, what's made yeh loose yeh cool?

TED: Oh, me son.

ED: Yeh son?

TED: Yeah.

ED: Which one?

TED: Which one?

ED: Yeah, you have two.

TED: Two?

ED: Yeah.

TED: Oh yeah, that’s right.

ED: So which one?

TED: Blue.

ED: The one you named after the dog?

TED: That's 'im.

ED: What's the problem?

TED: Well, he wants to fill me shoes.

ED: You should be proud…

TED: Nah, I mean he wants to fill me shoes...

ED: What's wrong with that?

TED: With cement.

ED: Geez.

TED: Dinkum.

ED: Straight up and down?

TED: Straight from the shoulder.

ED: Why?

TED: Oh, some bloomin' art project fer school.

ED: Fer school?

TED: Yeah, fer school.

ED: What yeh say?

TED: I sez no.

ED: No?

TED: No.

ED: Why?

TED: Why?

ED: Yeah, why?

TED: I need 'em.

ED: S'pose so.

TED: An anyway, 'es not gunna get much cement in there.

ED: ` Not while yer foot's in there.

TED: Nah.

ED: So what did 'e do?

TED: 'e sez to me that 'ell fail 'is course, like.

ED: Fail 'e reckons?

TED: Yeah, fail.

ED: An' then what?

TED: 'e sez, he won't be able to go t' university, like.

ED: What fer?

TED: That's what I sez!

ED: What?

TED: No, what fer!?

ED: An' what does 'e say?

TED: 'e sez he won't be able to fulfill 'is dream, but.

ED: Dream?

TED: I sez, what dyawant with a degree when yer can have all this?

ED: And what did 'e say.

TED: ‘e sez, well, 'e wanted a chance to make something of 'imself. An I sez,
listen, ya finish, stuffin 'round at school and come and work 'ere on
the farm.

ED: What then?

TED: 'e then gabbled something 'bout getting a social life and I sez, look it
didn't 'arm me, I married the girl next door, like. Nothing wrong with
yer mum and one day, all this'll be yours.

ED: Then what did 'e do, apologise like?

TED: Nah, left 'ome.

CROW CAWS AND GUNSHOT.

THEME OUT.

(Credits)

LINDA: You have been listening to the voices of: Thomas Taufan, Cheng, Gavin Jones, Hester van der
Vyver, Nate gothard, Linda Chong.

Thank you for Listening.

THEME SONG OUT WITH JOYFUL ANIMAL NOISES.

END.

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones